Presence
One year as a father. What have I learned? And a garlic planting volunteer opportunity
I recently read a book calling my generation, millennials, the “distracted generation”. Between social media and its 24/7 accessibility, email, and other technologies it is partially true. I barely ride in my car, or do solo farm tasks, without listening to a podcast or audiobook. Without thinking, the phone comes out and I hit play on whatever media I am currently ingesting.
The excuse of the material being educational, helping increase productivity, or good for business keeps my phone on me at all times. My cell phone is the work phone. People call looking for hours, crop availability, and the like. I pride Folks Farm on answering calls when so many other businesses leave them to voicemail.
Yet, I admit it is distracting. Instead of deeply feeling the farm and its tasks I am absorbed in a distant conversation that will probably never affect my life. This leads to frenetic decision making, wasted time, and forgetfulness. It also leads to a steady stream of dopamine that leaves you feeling empty when the slight high recedes.
With a baby, phone time cannot happen. Children, and I am talking about my baby, demand your full attention most of the time. He craves your engagement. He has a sixth sense that tells him when you are around and not paying attention resulting in either crying or getting into something off limits.
When he has your attention, raising him is much more fun. The chemical rewards of serotonin and oxytocin flow, building bonds and melting walls. The presence brings us together creating the conditions for laughter, nurturing, and connection.
I hadn’t realized how much I had been craving these feelings. He is a source of love. I feel his successes as if they were my own. When he toddles towards me, smiling, to fall into a hug the feeling of proudness and happiness leaves no room for anything else.
Watching him grow I see he has two worlds. One, the public face, comes off as shy and observant. He is wary of new people, especially those looking for a reaction and engagement from him. The other side is a playful, adventurous, curious boy who is often in a state of action and response with the world. He loves being surprised and moving through the world testing everything.
Adults have multiple lives as well. We have our public faces, and our private personalities. Ideally they are no different but I know the man you see at the farmers market versus me at home are different. Maybe not much, but some.
Social media allows us a third personality. A curated, intentional, public image that my generation has been stewarding for most our lives. Avatars and brands that we produce. These pieces of ourselves rely on the addictive properties of dopamine to function. It is this image that detracts from my being present at home.
My guy is one year old. He has conformed somewhat to our social structures, like using a spoon to eat (sometimes), but mostly he is a fully biological creature. Technology has aimed to circumnavigate our biology and for the most part has produced an astonishing world. That you are reading this is nothing short of a miracle.
Babies don’t need technology. They need your biology. They need those human chemicals of safety and love. Serotonin and oxytocin do not exist on screens. So I try to put nothing between us. To keep that biological connection direct and free from distractions. To have patience and understanding that whatever caused my phone to vibrate can wait, because these early childhood moments simply cannot.
Farm News
The soil is ready and the cloves are broken apart for garlic planting! We put a day in last week and got about halfway through this annual tradition. If we can get 5-7 people to come out I think we can get the rest done in a morning. Tuesday morning from 8am-11am to be specific. Bring a garden trowel if you have one and join the garlic planting party! Feel free to email info@folksfarmandseed.com to rsvp or with any questions.
What is stocked in the Farm Store?
Greens- Arugula, Hearts and Souls salad mix, spicy mix, broccoli, cauliflower (many colors and shapes), escarole, endive, cut your own herbs, napa cabbage, lemongrass, purple and green cabbage
Roots- Red and Gold beets, yellow and red onions, shallots, purple and watermelon daikon radish, organic potatoes, garlic, kohlrabi, orange and purple carrots
Fruits- Heirloom tomatoes, ORGANIC APPLES from Ela Family Farm, organic winter squash (kabocha, delicata, kuri, spaghetti, acorn, pie pumpkin)
Local Products- Lehi Ranch Grass-Fed Beef, KREAM Kimchi, Bread Chic Sourdough, Bee Squared Honey (from the farm), Jodar Eggs, Garden of Oz Dog Treats, Christie Leighton Jewelry, Rey Atelier hyper-local medicinals for home and body, hand-printed totes
This is so beautiful Alex. You are wise beyond belief And a fantastic farmer And an incredible dad🥰
Beautifully written.